Phases of the Moon
by Aura
Summary: Sesshomaru first person story. He goes over the manner in which he got Kagome to fall in love with him. What could be more obsessive than a demon struck by one of cupid's arrows?
1. Phase One: Eliminate the Competition

_A radiantly infatuating defeat…  
I stare in speechless wonder as the world grows both cloudy yet unmistakable, and the stories of ages past have become unexpectedly comprehensible. It is one thing to read of love, it is another to recognize it, and it is a gift to seize it. I am in a place I have never reached before, and looking backward, I almost lament at myself for not realizing the heights I could reach sooner. Or perhaps for thinking that was as far as I could reach…assuming that what I already held was all I would ever hold…  
I still continue to climb even as I think I can't fall further but that thought always manages to prove incorrect considering that each time it reaches greater cataclysmic depths and exceeds the highest Herculean rise. It's the most seductively deceptive series of paradoxical phrases that has ever been or will ever be.  
But I'm not suppose to be in this place…  
Nothing that sounds perfect is…  
What good is a love that is unrequited?  
I am suppose to be better than this…I am above descending to this level…Sesshomaru is above falling in love..._

I know it was illogical, that her eyes gazed at the infuriatingly lucky but often disabling lack of talent that my half-brother embodied. I could only imagine that the reason for those feelings were some strange echo of the soul that had once belonged to another. One that had been, if the stories are to be believed, rather smitten with the useless half-breed. I had nothing left but to hope; no, in fact pray, that was the case.

It was only more implausible that during my visits to see how Rin was coming along that I'd begin to grow curious of her. Of the manner in which she seemed to so effortlessly gain the friendship and admiration of the others that surrounded her. A natural sort of leader, charismatic to the point of paragon, powerful yet compassionate in a way that had reminded me of my adopted ward. The fact that Rin was studying in part with the girl had forced our first real contact where I wasn't trying to slay here for pesky interference in matters that were none her affair.

The conversations had been troublesome at first, the way in which she'd get angry at the tiniest slight or smile at the smallest remark was something that continues to confound me even now.

I never realized that I was visiting so often, or that there was a deeper meaning to those seemingly frequent checks on Rin's welfare. Blinded by a wickedly amused Cupid playing a prank, for I still cannot recall at what point his toxic arrow struck.

At first it was just a matter of Rin's education, making certain one of her tutors as a woman was actually learned in the manners he wished her instructed in. Just business, a lovely professional cover for the infuriating disease that was to follow. The more in which I watched her, spoke with her, became befuddled by the manner in which she spoke, the almost inappropriate etiquette she used...the more I wanted to walk into the fog of chaos.

She was unique, different from any girl; or man for that matter, that I'd ever met before, despite the fact that I'd nearly killed her on more than a single occasion she often didn't show me fear. She rarely let me see her fear at all, not that I couldn't pick it out amongst the seraphic scents of myriad flowers and fruits that followed her. Nonetheless, one that doesn't show their fear to one such as myself has an incredible personal will.

I could attribute it to the short time I aided her during Naraku's downfall, she has seemed to have developed some sort of feelings of camaraderie toward me sense then. Though it isn't quite good enough, I don't desire to be friends, though it will make do until I am able to hold her in an entirely different matter.

I know it's disgraceful of me, that I in the end have turned out to be no better than my father...but at least I had not chosen another mate, I in fact will not. There are few things I have not acquired that I wanted, and while Inuyasha did get one of those in father's sword, the favor of fate itself will not save him from giving up the second. He doesn't need to be alive for the transaction, but I cannot openly kill him in front of her...no, she is too human, too much like Rin, she would not forgive me if I let her know I was the one whose claws were covered in his blood.

Though the option wasn't forgotten, I was biding my time, there was still something I didn't fully understand and I would need to arrange the puzzle pieces in the order to see the picture before I could act further.

A week, that was how long it took me to discover the fact that she simply vanished for a few days at a time. Another day before I overheard her friends discussing the ancient well near the village where she apparently spent a great deal of time by how heavy her ambrosial scent hung in the air. I had been nearby and recently finished looking over the thing for any clues when she suddenly climbed from it's depths, a hole that had been empty to my eyes moments before she stuck out her head and pulled herself upward.

There were a variety of scents on her I'd gotten glimpses of in past visits but now could make out with greater clarity, things completely foreign to me despite my wide travels in younger days. She had somehow used the well as a connection to a place I not only couldn't recognize, but would have had no way of comprehending.

From the future? What a trait, one more of the many that lured me into the trap. I found myself doubtful even when I heard her speaking of it with Inuyasha, though I know they had no reason to lie being unaware of my presence. While my half-brother's nose might be powerful, there is little to be done if I use the wind to keep my scent from carrying. He knew later that I had been nearby, but my already common visits to my ward helped to cover the true nature of my spying neatly.

My plans were slow, methodical, I was very capable of playing a almost political game of the girl's affections, it had to be carefully planned or she would slip through my fingers as surely as if I'd tried to grasp sand. My claws however are extremely gentle when I so choose, I would control the tides if it meant coming even a single step closer to my goal. She couldn't know what I was thinking, the way her personality had neatly enticed me with all the rest of the masses, if she knew things would never go as needed.

She had to begin to see Inuyasha for what he was, which required a greater act of stealth, if I were to make the half-breed look bad, I would have to make the half-breed question his own feelings. I set the idea on him through a rambling Jaken during one of the visits where I'd only come to offer her new clothes.

"He's such an idiot that Inuyasha." The imp had squeaked for me perfectly, his acting rather better than I'd expected. "If he really loved that other priestess now that he has the Tensaiga absorbed into the Tetsuagia he'd just use it to bring her back to life."

The seed of knowledge, the thoughts that it embodied, some mortals called this the greatest sin man had created. With ideas comes the craving to fulfill them, things had already started to degenerate when I'd come by the next week at a time that was common for me to check on my ward.

The second and first woman Inuyasha cared for in the same place, it had driven Kagome to apparently leave to her home time, through the well. Though her absence and the pain she had to be caused were regrettable one couldn't make an omelet without first breaking a few eggs. It was best for her to know for certain that once Inuyasha's first love had returned, he'd lost his eyes for her. A problem I felt obliged to resolve for her early on, it would cause her less pain in the long run if she learned the certainty of it early.

The first phase was finished, competition eliminated.

**End Chapter**

I rarely write first person, more or less for Sesshomaru, and while I guess he's a bit ooc, he's also suppose to be head over heels obsessed in love. And he's a demon, so I think with those things in mind it was pretty close to what I was going for. I would adore some critique's on this as I hardly ever practice first person and I'm sure there are loads of things I did wrong. I wouldn't mind any comments on anything you liked too!

-Aura


	2. Phase Two: Gaining Affection

…_and yet it doesn't seem to bother me as much as it should…  
This chaotically infallible emotion that has taken hold of my very being, the flawless corruption of it's satisfying promise of warmth and security has rooted into my black soul and manages to give the darkness the faintest glimmer of illumination.  
I could die for it, I know that for these feelings to be had by one such as myself is a crime - a traitorous atrocity against my very being. My blood boils with the wicked allure of the light and however I might burn for becoming this abomination I find that the pledges I made to my kindred mean nothing next to it's divinely immoral rapture.  
And so for this amazing infatuation I delve further into villainy against my own people…for nothing more than a shocked chocolate gaze, a pair of blushing cheeks, some stumbled words, or the conflagration of fresh sensation behind a simple kiss…_

The second part would be longer than the first, it had to be. There wasn't an option of rushing it. If I didn't approach with caution then I could shatter the carefully constructed framework I had already put into place. I needed to make certain that the foundation of our friendship would hold strong when further considerations did surface.

She was hesitant, it was only natural, it was some time before she returned again. By the time she did I was beginning to worry that my getting the half-breed out of the way had been in a manner too course for her to recover from. Though she still didn't appear as happy as she had been before I'd arranged for Inuyasha to resurrect the dead woman it was only natural. Her soul had been fragmented by the sudden rebirth of a a piece of it in the past, eventually it would make her stronger, standing alone and without the reliance she'd come to have on the past. In the meantime, it was something she was surviving with the endurance I would expect of her.

More distressing was when she didn't even seem to want to speak to me, at least before the incident she'd actually taken the time to seek me out and see how I was and how things with Rin were going. Her attempts at small talk were often one of the things I looked forward to, the manner in which she grows frustrated with my perfect demeanor still amuses me to this day. Though I was certain she hadn't guessed my involvement with the sudden change of heart of my worthless half-brother I was less sure as to why she would alienate me after he had ditched her.

I couldn't pursue her openly, though I did certainly entertain daydreams of doing so on more than one occasion when I visited. It is difficult to desire someone but force your hand to still until such a perfect time as to join it with theirs. Patience was a virtue I could suffer for the subject of my unexpected adoration.

It was weeks before she spoke with me again, but it may as well have taken half of my considerable lifetime for as long as it felt. Most of my days I filled with either the boring matters of the paperwork my lordship required, or enforcing the laws that lesser demons desired punishment for breaking. Though I did take some time to relax, no hobby I once possessed mattered, swinging a sword and signing my name had become much the same wearisome tasks. Hunting was more out of habit than desire, even the blood of my kills was bland.

All things I once held interest in had turned against me as surely as the obsession with this mortal girl, and the world had taken on a black and white cast except for the few hours once a week in which I visited the village to see Rin.

Even when Kagome would not speak to me, my ward always had a way of making me relax, of having me enjoy colors in a world where I'd only began to see shadow. Though the visits were also good because even if I was rarely addressed, I could catch a rare glimpse of the female that'd caught my fancy. My eyes could never dwell as long as I would prefer, and it was painful when I had to force myself to keep up the image.

It was all a matter of biding time. She would approach me once her heart had a chance to mend, even if only a little. Three months and five days before she finally took the time to actually have a discussion during one of my visits.

She'd re-bloomed marvelously for the frost that Inuyasha had shown her, though her petals had yet to completely blossom, the beauty that still shone within was obvious.

I had assumed that once we began to speak again that the urge to drop my perfect blueprints and take her as my own would diminish. It was a foolish thought, in which I was proved wrong the moment I left that lovely morning. I burned with a desire to turn around and have her as I had yet to be stricken with. Everytime we talked, I wanted to extend my visit, even if only for a few moments to watch her smile at me...it was coming easier each time.

But perseverance is the key to victory, if I did not leave at the appropriate time each week, if I allowed myself the smallest variation to my disposition, then I could crack the composure I needed to continue. Did the fear that she would reject me ever surface?

Of course not, who do you think is telling this story?

Instead I was forced to painfully endure days between our meetings, sometimes weeks if she was off in her time, her home away from this world. I had yet to figure out how the portal she used worked, only that Inuyasha seemed to be able to follow her.

It got under my skin more than I care to, or will ever openly to another, admit. How was it my good-for-nothing half-breed bastard brother could travel to see her, visit her, but I could not even sense the magic that bound our worlds together? It bound the precious priestess to me and yet for all my power I couldn't fathom how to move through it, to be able to see her from afar for even a short time without her knowledge...

As it was, I was incredibly lucky that Inuyasha rarely bothered to go, otherwise I'm not certain my temper would have held, or that he wouldn't have picked up my scent during my many visits to the well's interior.

Irregardless, this time eventually passed, a new one approached.

It was in the winter, there was little snow and the new year would be here in a few weeks time. I had to give Rin something early as the courts always required my presence for the events of the winter solstice and other holiday celebrations. It was a unplanned visit, on a day I wouldn't normally arrive, but Rin hadn't been the only one glad to see me.

Kagome had smiled at nothing more than my approach, had run off and returned with a box wrapped in a brightly colored paper. A 'Christmas gift' she had called it, though it was some sort of lamp bulb with the symbols of my house painted on. The quality was of exceptional quality and I gave myself away for the shortest moment that she would spend the effort on something so well crafted for myself. All she gave Inuyasha was a box of human food, I allowed a smile to momentarily grace my face before I wiped it away again and thanked her.

While I was disturbed with my momentarily laspe of character she seemed that much overjoyed that I liked it and wrapped her arms around me in a short hug, placing a kiss on my cheek. The contact of which was so short I cursed the gods for the cruel curse under which they'd placed me. After that I had to move quickly and leave before I lost composure again and ruined the pieces I'd so painstakingly placed.

Though it was impossible once I'd gotten away not to let my lips curl upward, refusing gravity for a split second. I'd finished the next step finally. Her affection had begun to reflect my own.

**End Chapter**

So yeah, step two done. I think it's pretty difficult to write first person but I'm enjoying doing something new for me. Thanks for all the lovely feedback so far. By the way: The gift was a x-mas tree ornament with the cherry blossom seal on it.

_-Aura_

_To my reviewers: _Thanks everyone! I use this to tend to answer questions/longer comments.

_darkcloud _- kouga probably won't be here just cause it seemed like he was giving up on the kagome thing by the end of the manga - where he just vanished after a while

_Sugar0o_ - I thought of it as sort of a shock to the system but eventually it'd regrow, like a starfish? So starfish are like souls? Erm, yeah, I guess the explanation needs work.

_Kattana_ - I haven't decided for sure if I'm going to have a second point of perspective but I think I want to keep it by his for now and maybe add in Kagome after.


	3. Plans Interrupted: Furious Retribution

_Have you ever felt an instant where there was such a sudden and indescribable feeling of loss and pain that you had to stop and hold your chest in fear that a part of you was just gone?  
I know better than most what agony that loss causes…a piece of me did die without warning…infinitely disappeared from my grasp and took with it in that abrupt moment of emotional bankruptcy nearly all sanity I possessed…  
My personal desire had left me aware from that which I should have held closest and cut me off from all I'd ever known. I doubt that anyone reading this could ever understand the acute and unexpected forfeiture of a section of their very being…  
My body burned, my mind screamed and every fiber that I was composed off wanted to mindlessly destroy all that was around me in hopes of ending that unexplainable anguish…  
If she hadn't been there…I think I would have lost more than a part of me that day…_

It was fairly average for a time, I wasn't able to see her during my duties at the end of the year and the various celebrations and assassination attempts that accompanied the aggravation of it. Though it wasn't much less colorless than the rest of my activities away from the city, I was still avoiding the guests (though that itself wasn't strange) when the news reached me.

Jaken ran inside, the words high-pitched and with a stress common in the imps tone. "The village where Rin is, it was attacked by errant boar demons mi'lord."

"Was anyone injured?" My attention was immediately drawn to my chosen secretary's report, eyebrows raising in worry as I realized that everything I'd worked so hard for might be stolen from me. That with Inuyasha distracted with the other priestess he may not protect the girl any longer as he once had. The target of my concern was askew however, the next words firmly shook me to the core.

"Rin was killed milord."

It wasn't as quick as I thought it was then, I stood speechless for a moment, unable to form a reply for Jaken while my blood began a slow boil. The shock turned to hatred however, and my eyes were covered by a thick curtain of red before I'd even gotten out of the room I used as my office. The door wasn't fast enough, I dropped from the window even as I began the transformation to my true demon form.

Death would be slow, they would beg for it, lose their minds praying to gods that wouldn't hear them that it would come years before I would allow them to pass beyond the utter torment I knew I would inflict upon them...not until they died of old age or despair. No sort of torture I could create then or now will ever touch upon the amount of which I desire to show them. If it were in my power I would follow them to hell itself to make them pay for what they had stolen from me.

My own blindness had helped to lead to this point, and I wasn't certain I would even have the control to keep from finishing killing blows on the wretches awaiting me. Flying across the sky howls of rage reached into the hills and forests for miles around, no sane creature failed to be cowering within den or closet, never had my want for vengeance been that great.

I allowed my distraction with the priestess to make me careless, to not leave more guards around the village when Rin would be there. The lack of attacks on myself should have alerted me sooner, but my logical thought had been neatly numbed by the anesthetic effect of love. A short moment I wanted to blame her, Kagome, for my deplorable lack of insight, but even in the rage, some part of me knew it rang as a hollow excuse. The only one to blame for the death of my ward, was myself.

Even then, when Inuyasha got in the way and attempted to defend the young demons that had attacked the city, there was nothing that would have stopped me from tearing the Tetsuagia from his weak hands and digging fangs through his chest before allowing my greater power to flow into his body. The poison of my bite was all it would take to eliminate him from my path.

Effortless, when I was so set on my target, Inuyasha was just another blade of grass to be pushed aside in the search for the real mark. Father's fang, it was nothing next to the retribution that was required, next to the mad fury with which I had no intention of stopping. The boar demons only needed to be bitten, so I could take them away later while they were in death throws, as such creatures they should survive the toxin long enough for me to return them to cells and administer the antidote.

I felt the burn of holy energy, but the scent of it was that of the wench I'd used to remove Inuyasha from the final planned painting. A arrow had cut deep into one of my flanks, but it only spurned me onward, I turned with the drool flowing from my mouth leaving deep grooves in the ground now that I had the acidic poison started. She was one more reason, she was capable of harming demons, she could have killed these, it didn't matter if they were young, she could have stopped them before they'd stolen Rin. She chose the wrong course.

I turned on her then, her sin wasn't great enough that it inspired a need to torment her, death would suffice.

"You would do well to stop Demon." She called. "You have no argument with us, no more need to die here today."

I let out a long howl, one that stopped most of the frantic demons in their tracks, a cloud of green curling around me now, but my pain, the utter torment and promise of punishment in it stopped most of them, rendering them the mere shivering insects they were. Though the girl fired another arrow, I was prepared this time, she might have been a powerful priestess, but she had no true idea as to the power that I commanded.

Or that I was just as fast in my full demon form as the humanoid one I often wore, she had required almost no more effort than the half-breed did. Though the extra burst of holy energy she released as I bit into her was insulting, she died before she could do more than offer me a slight burn. As if hot water had been temporarily poured into my mouth, I'd recover from the wound within two days at most. Hardly a worthy death throw, another body was tossed back to the ground with barely a care.

I didn't have names to give them, none of them were worthy of any. Who cares for the names of ants before they set fire to the hill to remove them? No, by the time I was finished, none of them would even remember they'd once possessed something as civilized as a name.

The city had once been peaceful, lovely in a lower-class sort of way, under the protection of Inuyasha and his friends, but they had failed, and he would add their corpses to the grotesque pile if they stepped in front of him. He didn't attack the villagers straight out, somehow they seemed to realize that his claws and the bloodshed were reserved for the transgressors and those that got in the way.

My coat was often white, but it was steadily being dyed red as the bloodshed continued, it was a one-sided war and the tribe that had attacked had only been fifty or so in member, but only a handful remained. Even with the copper scent in my nose I would sniff all of them out, not a single one would escape the fate they'd earned themselves by destroying that which was mine.

It was the last one, I didn't know it at the time, but I was chewing on him, preparing to go after the next demonic scent that was moving when a gentle wind went by. On the breeze I could recognize the unmistakable perfume of her a moment before she spoke.

I didn't even hear her, she was still so far away, though the horrified expression on her face, the wide gaze of her eyes, I knew I'd set a long crack through the center of the house I'd been constructing. What was sturdy I'd turned to fragile, but it didn't matter, for a short moment the curse that cupid had put into my blood with the arrow didn't have a hold.

When I howled the last time, my long roar obviously in pain, the priestess got to witness me cry.

**End Chapter**

So, darker, but my stuff tends to go that way. I figure Sesshomaru would lose it if someone actually killed Rin again.

-Aura

Thanks to all reviewers still, I posted this one pretty quick so didn't have a chance for many before I tossed it up.


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